We all know that the December month just lends itself towards often bizarre and excessive silly behaviour and the corny jokes about Father Christmas, reindeer, Santa Claus and decorations abound. I, for one, have a particular fondness for the ultimate corny joke. Number one that tops my list is still this:
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: A fsh.
That aside, before you get yourself all het up and in a total panic about what still has to be done, bought, arranged, wrapped, and you end up relying on a joke repertoire from inside your Christmas crackers (which in my book are not even corny, but just pathetic), here’s a bit of festive cheer coming your way:
Stages of Christmas
When you consider Christmas, there are four stages in your life:
1) You believe in Father Christmas
2) You don’t believe in Father Christmas
3) You are Father Christmas
4) You look like Father Christmas
Christmas Warnings
23 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
39 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and an Honest Lawyer
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Another Funny Christmas Picture – Santa Claus Sledge Needs a Tow
Santa Claus’ sledge broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, ‘Can you help me fix my sledge, please?’
‘Sorry,’ the motorist replied, ‘I’m not a mechanic – I’m a podiatrist.’
‘In that case,’ retorted Santa, ‘Can you give me a tow?’
Christmas Riddles
Q: What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
A: ‘This will sleigh you.’
Q: What’s Christmas called in England?
A: Yule Britannia!
And my personal festive favourite:
Q: What goes ‘oh oh oh?’
A: Santa walking backwards.
Before I leave my station lurking at the office water cooler, I’d like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and in the words of Tiny Tim from the classic Charles Dickens tale, A Christmas Carol, “God bless us, Everyone!”
