by Fern Shaw | Jun 19, 2015 | Uncategorized
I’m sure, like me, (and countless other humanoids) queues and queueing are the bane of your life.
In my case ‘bane’ is too soft a word. I have a pathological dislike of queuing. I’d like to say that the introduction of the World Wide Web and the ability to connect to it marked a great day in my life until I discovered that yep, when purchasing tickets for your favourite band online involves queueing too. This in itself brings about a whole new set of irritations though, because unlike a physical people queue, virtual queueing puts you at the mercy of the dingbat who designed the ticket site.
Anyway back to pathological dislikes i.e. queueing. I believe it stems from an in-built gene, or an acquired one. It could have something to do with my rampant claustrophobia too, but I think primarily, it comes down to a basic intolerance to the herd mentality. When people dither, I could cheerfully decimate them using my light sabre until I’m at the head of the queue. Once I’m at the head of the queue of one i.e. me, and I approach the counter, whether it’s to confirm a flight, check luggage or to place an order, I guarantee you that I’ll have transacted and concluded my business in dizzyingly fast record time, all this of course subject to the efficiency of the person on the other side of the counter that’s assisting me.
One would imagine that my refusal to queue has adversely affected my life, but surprisingly, it hasn’t, not really. I’ve learnt a few simple ‘hacks’ as experience skills are wont to be called these days. For your reading enjoyment and potentially stress less future, I’ve itemised a few:
- If attending a weekend market / event, get there early and by early, I mean (in great deference to Adrian Cronauer’s line) ‘Oh my God, it’s early’ sort of early. Proof of the pudding in two instances that immediately come to mind are a whisky convention where we were the first to arrive and had countless whisky distillers clamouring to offer us fine single malts to taste and not a single queue in sight. Example 2 was a fabulous weekend crafts, food and wine market where again, we zoomed round the stalls without pushing and shoving and bumping into herd, sampled many fine foods and had ordered and eaten our breakfast by the time the crowds pulled in. If there is a blissful situation involving/avoiding crowds, this was it.
- Shop online where you can. Can’t say it simpler than that.
- Never, I repeat, never, queue for restaurants, sales or tickets to something. You may think you have to, but seriously, you really don’t. I can’t think of a club, restaurant or happening where I truly think I missed out. If you’re meant to get there, you’ll get there when you should.
- Learn the art of acceptance when you really have to queue. I’ve not gone off my trolley – this is a real life hack. Being involved in the visa business for a number of years and having had to queue in countless airports to travel, you soon realise that this is when you need to suck it up and accept that with being able to travel freely or in order to reach your destination without going doolally, you will encounter bureaucracy at every turn and spazzing out and having a meltdown will not further your cause. It may, in fact, do the complete opposite. Now stand on one leg in the ‘Crane’ position and just breathe!
Other than the latter, (which in my book = necessity) you don’t really have to queue. So, avoid it wherever you can.
I do and I find it improves my days immeasurably. As for traffic jams, don’t even let me get started.
I wish you, dear reader, an healthy, happy, queue-less existence (where possible).
by Fern Shaw | Jun 8, 2015 | Uncategorized
Dandelions, long immortalised in Dance, the Media Arts and Music are, in fact, weeds.
If you don’t believe dandelions have been used in popular music over the last few decades, boy oh boy, are you in for a surprise! Just to get the dandelion swaying, here’s a fine example:
♪Prince or pauper, beggar man or thing
Play the game with ev’ry flower you bring
Dandelion don’t tell no lies
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me ♫ ~ The Rolling Stones
My dandelion obsession has been with me since I was a child – there’s something just so fey about their lighter than air ghostly seeds and the way they’re distributed + it’s awfully pretty too.
One thing I never imagined though was that dandelions would be used to make rubber for tyres. Yup, can you Adam and Eve it? Tyres!
According to an article at Green Builder Media: “Dutch biologist Ingrid van der Meer often meets with disbelief when she talks about her work on dandelions and how it could secure the future of road transport. The reaction is understandable, given most people regard the yellow flowers as pesky intruders in their gardens rather than a promising source of rubber for tyres …
The dandelion mission is being backed by some big tyre manufacturers, “such as industry leader Bridgestone Corp and No.4 player Continental AG.”
The report adds: “A U.S. research team found the dandelions delivered per-hectare rubber yields on a par with the best rubber-tree plantations in tropical Asia.”
A report in Rubber News last year says that what is old is new again. Apparently dandelions were grown for rubber use during World War II and grown purposefully throughout 42 U.S. states for the rubber industry. After World War II, production ended.
The cultivar considered most promising is the Russian varietal, though breeding is ongoing to make even more productive varietals.”
Colour me impressed! For now, though, I think I’ll be sticking to another rather remarkable by product of the plant that’s been brewed since time immemorial – Dandelion Wine. More my speed and to my taste methinks. *hic*
I wouldn’t, however, recommend that you use the bottled water that your office supplies, drawn from one of three natural sources throughout the U.K when you try out the above recipe. Trust me – I tried filching a few bottles and it didn’t go down well at all!
by Fern Shaw | Feb 14, 2015 | Uncategorized
Speculation is that the word February comes from the Roman festival of purification called February where people were ritually washed. There is a Roman god called Februus, but he is named after the festival, not the other way around.
The interesting linguistic story, though, lies in England. Before the Latin name was adopted for the second month, Old English used much more vibrant names to describe it. The most common Old English name was Solmonath, which literally means ‘mud month’. I wonder why? A lesser-used term was Kale-monath, which meant ‘cabbage month’. We can imagine that our forefathers were eating a lot of cabbage in February in the 1100s. Not much romance there to be sure!
Anyhow, skipping swiftly along – Cupid-style – we move onto how Valentine’s Day came to be celebrated on the 14th day in February – there are numerous origins for Valentine’s Day – honestly, pages worth of the stuff – so I’ll try to précis for you.
The ancient Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia, a spring festival, on the 15th of February. With the introduction of Christianity, the holiday moved to the 14th of February–the saint day that celebrated several early Christian martyrs named Valentine.
One such Saint Valentine was believed to be a priest that defied the Romans and married soldiers and their sweethearts in secret. He was eventually martyred because the military couldn’t be having their soldiers distracted from waging war. Wonderful!
Later on, the romance of Valentine’s – with somewhat less hanging and martyring – came along through poets like Chaucer, John Donne and even Mr. Shakespeare. Here’s a nod to Valentine’s in Hamlet, Act IV, Scene 5:
To-morrow is Saint Valentine’s day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.
Then up he rose, and donn’d his clothes,
And dupp’d the chamber-door;
Let in the maid, that out a maid
Never departed more.
While the custom of sending cards, flowers, chocolates and other gifts originated in the UK, Valentine’s Day still remains connected with various regional customs in England. In Norfolk, a character called ‘Jack’ Valentine knocks on the rear door of houses leaving sweets and presents for children. Although he was leaving treats, many children were scared of this mystical person.
Whether you choose to flatly ignore the mooning and swooning around Valentine’s or you’re intending spending a year’s salary on impressing the target (eek) of your affection, I’d like to wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s. That is unless you’d prefer to ignore the day itself and go with being washed down or eating lots of cabbage for the month.
by Fern Shaw | Jan 7, 2015 | Uncategorized
When we came into our office on Thursday 18th December the phone was unusually busy – in fact, it was ringing off the hook. People had received an email, seemingly from AquAid, stating that we had taken a card payment from them. Attached to the email was supposedly their receipt.
As we had not taken any payments we quickly realised something was wrong. Very wrong. Someone had copied our email layout and were sending emails to people around the world. Anyone who received the email and opened the attachment became unwilling contributors to our phone-rush, in that their computers started sending the same email to people within their address book.
Between 18th December and the Christmas break we had 8 people engaged full time in answering phone calls from people either asking us if we indeed had taken a payment, or just wanting to tell us they had received what they thought was a spam email, in case we weren’t already aware (probably the only time in my life I have wished people were less friendly). The calls have come from far and wide – USA, Canada, United Arab Emirates, Germany and Australia are just some of the places where the email has made it to.
There was a mobile telephone number on the email, alongside our landline number, which since the 18thDecember has received 11,000 missed calls – we apologise to anyone who has not had a return phone call, but I hope you understand we simply do not have the manpower to do so. My best estimate is that we have answered more than 7,500 calls relating to this email issue.
The emails are apparently being sent with a view to mine data. Anyone who opens the attachment will, over and above becoming a sender of the email themselves, have their computer scanned for anything that looks like passwords or account numbers. This will then be sent to the fraudsters who will try to use it for monetary reward.
I hope that none of you opened the email attachment or ever become victims of this type of attack. Our crash course in email spam has made us realise there is little a business can do to avoid this happening over and above sensible IT security. If people can hack into NASA, Ministry of Defence or Sony, there is little a relatively small business can do.
Sincere Regards,
Peter Hansen
by Fern Shaw | Dec 15, 2014 | Uncategorized
♪ Getting to know youuuu
Getting to know all about you
Getting to like youuuuu
Getting to hope you like meeee … ♪
Okay, perhaps the song from ‘The King and I’ is not relevant to the topic at hand, but word association and all that.
Seriously though – although it’s important to know about the products and service you receive from your water supplier, it’s equally important to get an idea about the people that you’re dealing with, especially if you don’t see them often. Last week we introduced you to Martin Huburn, from the AquAid Birmingham office.
This week, we introduce to you *drumroll* – Josh Searle – who heads up the AquaAid office in San Francisco, U S of A.
This is what Josh had to say:
Name: Joshua Searle Role at AquAid: Managing Director – AquaAid San Francisco Years at AquAid: 6
My dad (Paul Searle) founded the company in 1998 so AquAid has been a big part of my life since the age of 9! I started working with the company at the age of 17 and this continued through the summer/Christmas holidays whilst I was at College and University. After University I managed to get involved with the charitable side of the business which was a great experience. It’s nice to know the business contributes to aiding Third World countries but to actually go out and see the work in the field was a unique opportunity.
Before relocating to the US office I worked for 18 months as the branch manager in Liverpool. The most enjoyable part of this experience for me was the staff, there is a great family feel in the office and I would have found it difficult to settle in to this position without the help of my colleagues. No single day is the same which adds variety to the job, whilst I preferred some parts to others, it certainly was never boring.
The U.S
Earlier this year AquAid started to investigate the possibility of opening a branch in the U.S. I was fortunate enough to be offered the opportunity of managing this office and decided to fly out in July to make sure this was something I wanted to do.
Two months later I returned alone to San Francisco to start the business.
Opening the office door on the day I arrived was surreal; the office was completely empty so the first step was to take a trip to IKEA. Several hours of reading instruction manuals later I had a desk, chair, filing cabinet, printer and phone.
It’s difficult to know where to begin when you have no customers, no internet, no water coolers and no friends. The time zone is eight hours behind so I couldn’t even message home and tell them to book me the next flight home!
On the first Monday I decided to go out canvassing on foot to introduce the business to the local companies around the Belmont area (this is where the office is located). People were surprisingly friendly – maybe because I looked completely out of my comfort zone and they were trying to be nice, either way it’s always easier to settle in to a new place if the people are welcoming.
One of my main concerns of relocating to the US was meeting new people and creating a network of friends because being 5,000 miles away from your closest friend is pretty strange. Fortunately whilst I am in the office alone at the moment I have managed to move in to a house where I’m sharing with 72 others. The house was originally a hotel which was subject to a huge fire in 2011. As part of new investment in the area the house was restored and created for the purpose of housing young professionals. I’m 25 and single so it has worked out great for me and I now feel comfortable in the city.
A couple of months have passed now and we are in to double figures in terms of customers. San Francisco is joint only with New York as having the highest cost of living in the US. Unfortunately this has delayed the recruitment process and I am still the only man representing AquaAid in America. We are hoping to have a team of sales people by early January 2015 which will eventually be followed by admin staff and engineers – similar to the local office that is servicing your machines at the moment.
We are looking forward to a great year in 2015 and will be working hard to push sales over the next 12 months … so if you have any friends that have relocated to San Francisco, please let them know AquaAid have arrived and we would love to work with them on the other side of the pond!
– Josh
by Fern Shaw | Dec 15, 2014 | Uncategorized
We all know that the December month just lends itself towards often bizarre and excessive silly behaviour and the corny jokes about Father Christmas, reindeer, Santa Claus and decorations abound. I, for one, have a particular fondness for the ultimate corny joke. Number one that tops my list is still this:
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: A fsh.
That aside, before you get yourself all het up and in a total panic about what still has to be done, bought, arranged, wrapped, and you end up relying on a joke repertoire from inside your Christmas crackers (which in my book are not even corny, but just pathetic), here’s a bit of festive cheer coming your way:
Stages of Christmas
When you consider Christmas, there are four stages in your life:
1) You believe in Father Christmas
2) You don’t believe in Father Christmas
3) You are Father Christmas
4) You look like Father Christmas
Christmas Warnings
23 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
39 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and an Honest Lawyer
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Another Funny Christmas Picture – Santa Claus Sledge Needs a Tow
Santa Claus’ sledge broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, ‘Can you help me fix my sledge, please?’
‘Sorry,’ the motorist replied, ‘I’m not a mechanic – I’m a podiatrist.’
‘In that case,’ retorted Santa, ‘Can you give me a tow?’
Christmas Riddles
Q: What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
A: ‘This will sleigh you.’
Q: What’s Christmas called in England?
A: Yule Britannia!
And my personal festive favourite:
Q: What goes ‘oh oh oh?’
A: Santa walking backwards.
Before I leave my station lurking at the office water cooler, I’d like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and in the words of Tiny Tim from the classic Charles Dickens tale, A Christmas Carol, “God bless us, Everyone!”
